I’m working and really need to go home. I can’t stop crying. Managed to hide it. Thanfully there are only 2 others in today and I’m away from them. I can’t keep going. I’m struggling. Today is not good. I’m not suicidal but I’m not far from being triggered.
I can’t stop shaking. It’s not good.
I have a plan for my future. Camping. I’ve never been. Always wanted too but never known anyone else (other than my most recent ex) who wanted to go. Also I’ve always been too scared to go by myself. I have no idea why I have a fear? Is it too many Friday the 13th movies growing up? Is it just me holding myself back as usual? Is it laziness? Perhaps it’s a bit of all of the above. My ex and I were going to go camping and when we broke up I have to admit I just dismissed the idea of it. Then I was thinking what is actually stopping me other than myself? The answer is right there. Without a doubt there is nothing other than myself. Me and only me stops me doing anything that I am capable of.
I have ordered a two-man tent. A pop up one. I need it to be as easy as possible for my first time out. I’ll also have two dogs who have never been camping. I’m beyond excited about it. In a month or so I’ll be heading out on my first trip. I’ll take a train to my destination. I’ll have a month to return. I’ll only be away for a long weekend.
I’ve said to my oldest niece about camping sometime in the future. She says that she’d like to come with me. She’s never been either. I hope when the tent comes it’ll be big enough to fit two adults and two pooches. I’m very happy. I’m very excited.
I’m not sure of everything I need. I’ve made a list. I’m sure there will be things I’ll not even imagine. The first few times will be trial and error. As long as I have food, water and all other essentials for my boys I know I’ll survive just fine.
Today is my day of rest. I rowed. I pushed myself harder than ever. I didn’t do any extra exercises but I did row for longer. I rowed for ten minutes on the medium resistance and then five minutes on the higher resistance. I took a break and repeated it. I felt great after it. I’ll do the same tomorrow plus a full workout. I can’t wait. I felt so bloody good after my rowing session. I can’t wait to do more and push harder. There is no point in doing the same amount of everything as last week because I won’t progress that way. I’m hoping by the end of week 3 that I’ll be rowing on the higher resistance for longer or at the very least finding it easier.
My plan going forward is I would like, once I get a place of my own, is to have a mini gym in my home. I want some weights, nothing outrageous, just enough to keep me toned. I really want to do chin ups so have been looking into getting a bar but that’s another thing I’ll wait to get. Oh and the other thing I’ve always wanted is a nice big punch bag. All these things cost money so I’ll have to save and buy as and when I can afford them. I’ll also be trying to get as much of it in a sale as possible, I like a good bargain.
Another part of my workout I really enjoy is having a shower after it. There is something extremely refreshing about it that just makes me feel so much better about the workout. I’m looking forward to pushing myself further this week. The other thing that helps spur me on is as I push myself and increase my workouts it doesn’t hurt. It feels natural. I’m able to do more. I know the workouts are working. I can’t wait to see the physical results. It’s all going so much better than I expected it too.
Hey Lovely Readers! How are you? Hope your are fantastic out there! I’m hale and hearty! Here are some quick picks of The Top 10 Needle-Moving Quotes To Change Your Life! “Be who you are and say what you feel, because thoes who mind don’t matter and thoes who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss “Whenever […]
via Top 10 Needle-Moving Quotes to Affect Your Life! (For All Bloggers!) — Written to Enlighten
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via How to Deal with Emotional Vampires — MakeItUltra™
I’ve been negligent of updating my blog but I’ve not been negligent of keeping up with my rowing. I have a cold and have found myself extremely tired after work, working out and having a meal. I’ve fallen asleep most nights. I’ve been feeling rundown. I’m better today and hope I’ll be over this tomorrow.
Through this week I have pushed myself harder than last week. I’ve been rowing for longer, building up to fifteen minutes today. I’ve also been rowing for longer on the higher tension. I had been doing two sets of each additional exercise up until today where I did three sets of between 7-15 reps. Today should have been a simple rowing day but I decided that today, since I had the house to myself was going to be a full workout with me going back on the machine for some rowing throughout the day. My cold isn’t great but it’s not terrible either so I’d only be using it as an excuse to slack on a workout.
Some days through the week I’ll admit I did find it a bit of a struggle and had to take several breaks during the rowing. Only starting again when I felt able too. I’m no quitter but I do not wish to cause myself harm or make my illness worse. Because of the aches and pains that go along with having a cold it made doing some of the workout unpleasant but I pushed through that pain, mostly because it wasn’t that bad and again I’d only be using it as an excuse if I stopped. My asthma played up a bit but I expected that with working out while having a cold.
I plan to push myself even harder during the coming week. I’ve started running while walking my dogs. I’m not confident to go out on my own running but think I could build up to that with the help of running with my dogs as a starting point. I’m not seeing or really feeling a distinct physical change but mentally and emotionally it’s had an extremely positive effect. There is part of me that does think there is a difference in my upper abdomen but I’m not sure if it’s only because I want to see it. I have felt physically sick a couple of times during workouts. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m ill or if it’s because of the workouts. I’m making sure I drink plenty of water, not just while working out but as a general rule now. I’m not an expert when it comes to keep fit or anything healthy in general. It’s all trial and error and figuring out what works best for me.
The one thing that I’ve been surprised at is how much better I feel within myself after a workout. I find myself thinking about it while bored at work. I find myself thinking of ways I can improve my workout. I find myself thinking about workouts while walking my dogs. I think about what I want to achieve from working out. I visualise my body and how I want it to look. I don’t want to be skinny, I’m quite happy with my weight and size. It’s more about the shape of my body now. I have a realistic goal. My ideal body shape is very realistic. It’s rather boring if I’m being honest. It’s nothing out of the ordinary. I’m not looking to have a six-pack or bulging girly muscles. I want definition and a shape that I am happy with and comfortable with. I’m on my way and loving this journey I am on.
I have been negligent of my journal for a few days. Quick catch up time…
I’ve done nothing but work. Workout. Sleep. Eat. Walk my dogs.
This could be the most boring update in blogging history.