I saw my ex today and I still love her. I feel like a failure. I am trying to stay away from her this week while she’s on holiday. I think the hardest part of seeing her is know that she loves me but does not want to be with me. I can’t get my head around that. Every time I think I’ve figured it out I end up with 50 new questions. Today I asked some. Today I became a total loser again and declared my feelings for her. Today, she refused to answer a question. She does that a lot, apparently it’s to help me. I never quite understand what she means by that. I reveal something or say something and she won’t give me an answer or should I say, she refuses to give me an honest answer. I’m left confused and feeling stupid.

I don’t know why I can’t walk away and stay away. I’ve never had a relationship with anyone where I’ve wanted to be with them this much. I’ve never been with anyone where I’ve loved them this much. I never fully believed in soulmates before her. I know I sound pathetic. I know I’m being a fool. I wish there was an easy answer as to how the heck I get over this woman. Knowing she still loves me and knowing she still misses me and still wants me but doesn’t want me at the same times isn’t making it any easier. I need to distract myself. I need to pull away completely. I need to keep my feelings to myself. I’m finding that extremely difficult.

This sums up where I am at right now…Feeling

And this, I need to heed this…

Fool

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