I think I’m the ‘B’ word.

So my last post I said that I didn’t want to hurt my ex. She still thinks I want to be with her and I’m ok with that. As I’ve also stated before I do not trust her. Well, we were working closely together. She brought the subject of her new man up. She says they’ve been on one date and are going on another. I listened, I think it’s great, he sounds like a good guy. I’m happy.

We were chatting away and I kept getting the feeling she was pushing at something or for something. I listened and made the right noises at the right time. Then our relationship came up and she kept on about how she knows all she has told me is safe with me and all I have told her is safe with her. I said nothing. Eventually I had to answer somehow and just shrugged and said something along the lines of if you say so. That didn’t go down well. She demanded to know if I trust her and I flat out said that I don’t, that she has lied endlessly to me and I don’t believe a word she says to me. That also didn’t go down too well.

After several minutes of silence I tried to initiate chat. It didn’t go well. I mentioned her new man and was informed that I shouldn’t fucking talk to her about it again. Ok then. So after that any chat I did try and start was met with a frosty reception. Safe to say my plan to not hurt her went out the bloody window. She’s now hurt and angry and I don’t blame her but at the same time I am not going to lie and pretend I trust her. She asked me straight out so I answered honestly, something that she hasn’t done to me in a long time, if at all. She’s a good person who has been through a lot. It’s great that she’s got a chance to find herself now but I won’t lie to make her feel better. I have to be true to myself, something I’ve neglected for several years now.

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