I have to admit that I am having a really good day at work. I’ve heard my ex quietly talk about her new guy. It’s nice that she is thinking about my feelings but I don’t care. Part of me wants to tell her that but there is that part that still wants to protect her. I know saying to her that I am over her and the fact she has a new man has lifted this great weight of responsibility from my shoulders will hurt her feelings. I’ll remain quite and keep letting her think I’m still madly in love with her and desperate to get back with her. I do still love her but I do not want to be with her. Too many lies. Too many broken promises. Too much bad and not nearly enough good.
When my ex came in to work she thanked me for being so nice to her the other day. Took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. She was making it out as if I was putting on a brave face being happy at the news she has a boyfriend. Nothing could be further from the truth. It wasn’t ‘brave face’ it was genuine happiness for her. I am so happy and beyond relieved that she has someone new. As stated in another post I feel free. I’m beginning to feel like me again. So for my ex’s sake I just made out I didn’t know what she was talking about and then brought the subject round to her weight loss. When I asked if she was referring to the kind words I had said about the weight she has lost, she said that yes, that was what she was talking about. We both know she was talking about her new man.
I’m genuinely smiling and it feels good. It feels like it has been years since I have been happy. Not fake happy. Not a little happy but full on life is good happy and I like it.